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The Unexpected Son

YES student, Sadman, standing in the snow with his two host siblings

By Ashely Cooley, hosting with PAX in Lebanon, MO

Ten months ago, we were unexpectedly presented with the opportunity to host our first ever exchange student. We never could have dreamed how hosting Sadman would change the Cooley family forever. When you venture into the unknown, you still have certain expectations. We expected to welcome Sadman into our home and community. We expected to see our children make a new friend. We expected to learn more about the Bangladeshi culture and to share our American culture. We expected to spend the year making a few fond memories and then happily send Sadman back to his natural family.

Sdaman with his host family at the airport

While all of those things did happen, sometimes our expectations have a way of turning into the most unexpected. Sadman has become the family member we didn’t realize we were missing. We consider him to be a son and a brother. Our two children fight with him as siblings do and love him as fiercely as they do each other. Our family has a newfound respect for the differences in our cultures as well as a new understanding of the world and the great diversity that’s found in it. We're more aware of the part that we play, and how important that is. 

Sadman and his host brother in traditional Bangladeshi attire

We’ve made so many wonderful, loving memories with Sadman and had so many experiences together. And while we are happy that he’s home with his natural family, we are experiencing a sense of loss within our own family that only time will erase. Even though he’s gone, everywhere you look in our home are the small impressions that he left behind: a colorful Bangladesh flag in our kitchen, the musical ektara in our living room, hand sewn blankets from his mother on our quilt rack, a cherished Panjabi folded in our son’s room. While we’re sad that he’s no longer here with us, these signs remind us of why we hosted, and of the son that our family has gained. We’re often asked if it was worth it, would we do it all over again if given the same choice. Our answer is always the same, absolutely without a doubt, yes!


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